Do What You Say You’re Going To Do
I’ve been taking this course on Udemy by Danielle LaPorte. It’s amazing and rewarding and motivating — all positive synonyms apply.
I just finished the second to last video, and felt the pull to screen grab this image:
I follow this advice as absolute best I can these days, as prior to 2 years ago, bailing on people was my jam.
For years life was a series of premature yes’s. I would commit to stuff I didn’t want to do, because I was desperate to connect with people. I believed that in saying yes I was achieving their approval, and in turn was creating a connection. I was really lonely back in the day, never really filling the friendship void in satisfying ways. Everyone was a “party” friend, and there’s not much authentic connection between drunks.
So yeah, I would say yes to anything, out of pure desperation for connection.
If someone had psychoanalyzed me at the time and told me what my real intentions were, it’s possible that I would have punched them in the face. I had zero ability to come to such conclusions at the time. I was in an ego-centric, pleasure-seeking zone, 24/7. All I knew was that I’d feel compelled to commit to meeting up with people I wasn’t into meeting up with, because I thought, “Well if they want to meet me I should do it.” There’s that gross word, should. Yuck!
So I’d ignore my instincts, which were oftentimes telling me not to expend my energy and time on the person who asked me to hang out with them. And at the core of that instinct to say no was a little voice that said “you can’t trust them.”
I know with 100% certainty that I didn’t trust myself, and that I was untrustworthy. And I know you get what you put out. The people who were drawn to me registered dangerously low on the morality and ethics spectrum, because I did as well. So I basically didn’t want to hang out with myself. But I’ll save you the 4000 word explanation for that and stick to my point here.
Years of self-care by way of self-reflection has taught me that It’s OK to feel uneasy around someone. It’s OK to not want to say yes. You don’t have to force yourself to ignore what your instincts are telling you. Not listening to my ginsticts got me in a heap of trouble. And yes I just made up a new word: gift + instincts = ginstincts. Because that’s what your instincts are, a gift!
When you don’t listen to your instincts you suffer. And when you say yes to things, then cancel last-minute, people get pissed off. Which is what happened every-time I refused to decline an invite that just didn’t feel right: I’d cancel last-minute and piss people off.
Present day Andrea is different. My time is extremely valuable to me. I don’t waste it on things that don’t feel right. That means I don’t help everyone who asks for my help. I don’t say yes to every request for free writing services. I don’t accept every invite to dinner or lunch. And the reason I don’t is because I listen to my inner voice and I don’t argue with it. Even when it says some harsh stuff.
Yes, sometimes your inner voice says harsh stuff. For example, here’s some dialogue I am occasionally privy to:
“That person only wants to talk to you because they want something from you. They don’t actually like you. Proceed with caution.”
“That person is feigning interest and support in what you’re doing, but in truth they’d be stoked if you fell flat on your face. In fact they would laugh. Watch out.”
“That person is dangerous to be around. Seriously. Do not go near them.”
“That person will use you as a sounding board for their incessant complaining. Disengage.”
I used to think these kinds of thoughts were crazy. I mean they sound a little paranoid. Even my husband has said in the past: “Do you think maybe you’re thinking a little too far into things?”
My answer to that is a confident no. See, when I was drinking all the time, I was definitely crazy. I was paranoid and delusional and supremely negative and caustic. The booze was killing brain cells faster than I could regrow them, so I was, to be blunt, stupid.
But after years of my instincts proving themselves right, I no longer accept the crazy diagnosis.
These days I am on my A game. Sure, some days I’m not doing all that great, because I’m human (the perfectionist in me needs to be constantly reminded of this). But I still trust the shit out of my instincts. And I know that what is sometimes perceived as overthinking by outsiders is in truth an innate ability to understand the motivations of others, and a strong empath-driven instinct that serves me very well. This ability might not serve the folks I choose to not make plans with, or the people who request things of me that I politely decline assisting with. But it’s leading me on a path to abundance and happiness.
Seriously, why wouldn’t I trust myself? All 5 foot 3, green-drink-guzzling, meditating and ballet-barre-taking female that I am? I came from the depths of depression and addiction and became who I am today: a huffington post blogger, with international clients, who is working on her first book. That’s a bad ass transformation.
Trusting myself is what got me where I am, so trusting myself is what I will continue to do.
Have at it with the crazy assumptions, but I am no longer willing to commit to things that I know will end up in a last-minute bail out. I’m keeping my schedule open, so I have the energy and time to commit to things I truly care about. Like Pilates with my girl Jaylee, and beach days with my BFF at the same spot we spent every summer at as kids. Can’t wait!
So moral of the story is trust your feelings and you’ll find it exponentially easier to do what you say you’re gonna do.
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Andrea Scoretz is a soul-centric freelance writer, storyteller, and Huffington Post blogger from Vancouver Island, Canada. Learn more about her via www.mustlovecrows.com
